


Live This Life

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-05
Updated: 2007-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-30 10:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: One-shot --  A song-fic based on Big N' Rich's "Live This Life":  Harry finds his friends have all been lost in the final battle, as he watches each one fall, he loses his ability to think clearly. Can he recover from his losses?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I own nothing, not even the song. JK has been kind enough to let us play in her wonderland and enjoy our use of her characters, but no money has been made. The song was written and recorded by two of the most talented artists on today's music scene, and I don't own it or them either.... WAH!!!!!!!!!

A/N I Own NOTHING -- but when I heard this -- I knew I needed to do  
it.... Without Further Adieu:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Live This Life" Lyrics by Big & Rich  
 ****

 **Live this Life  
**  
Hermione's owl brought the CD she wanted. Her parents, on a trip to America, had picked it up for her. She charmed her stereo to blast the music throughout the common room. Most Gryffindors had left rather than face her music any longer. Soon it was just four 7th years and two 6th years left in the common room. No words were spoken, but there was dancing and swaying as song after song filled the room. Neville and Luna whispered quietly in the ear of the other as they clung to each other. 

When the last song of the CD came on for the second time; Hermione watched Harry's demeanor change as the words filled the air. Draco leaned back against his boyfriend and sighed, feeling the difference in Harry’s tension as they listened. 

_"I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore_  
Then I will walk, yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore   
Live here anymore"   


He met her eyes. When the song ended, Harry looked to his friends, his hand lightly stroking the platinum blonde hair. "Do you know that you are the reason I go on?" They smiled back at him as he continued, "Life is almost through with me. It's coming soon, I can feel it... Play it again 'Mione." And so the morning went, he listened to the song until even his friends grew tired of it and left. Draco stayed until curfew, then left with a silent kiss to the love of his life.

Tuesday evening, the grounds of Hogwarts had filled with black cloaks. Even as Harry looked out of the great windows of his dormitory, he knew the time had come. All his preparations in the past year with his five closest companions would come together at this moment.

Knowing the students were in the great hall for dinner, Harry appeared in the doorway; his eyes searching for the half moon spectacles at the head table. Using his wand, he said "Sonorus", his voice magically magnified. **"He's here. It's time. Hide or Fight, it's your choice, but you must make a decision - NOW."** His five friends joined his side as he said "Quietus". 

Breathing deeply, Harry steadied himself and uncharacteristically knelt and closed his eyes. Draco, his love for almost a year and his friends joined hands with him as the Great Hall's inhabitants were sent into panic. "God give me the strength to get through tonight...Help us through tonight. And God? If Life is through with me, I will walk with patience through your open door, please help those that have helped me so much -- live." 

As he opened his eyes, Draco, Luna, Neville, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny looked back at him. They stood as a unit - whole and complete. Holding on to the peace for just a moment longer before releasing their hands, his eyes darted from face to face. The determination of two years of hard work was going to be tested. Opening his mouth to speak, Ron put a hand on his shoulder "You do your job - we'll watch your back." With that simple statement, Harry nodded. No other words needed to be said. He led the teenagers into his nightmares.

The Aurors and other ‘light’ people, as they had come to be known, entered the grounds as well. All waiting to see what would be done. It seemed for a moment that no one wanted to start the fight. The great front doors opened and Harry Potter and his team walked calmly down the stairs to his destiny.

Voldemort parted his death eaters. As the figure walked forward, Harry was overcome with a pain through his forehead, just as he had on so many other occasions. Only he knew that after tonight, it would be finished one way or another. **"HARRY POTTER; SO GOOD OF YOU TO COME OUT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FACE ME AS A MAN OR HAVE MY FAITHFUL SERVANTS DECIMATE YOUR SIDE FIRST?"** the man known as Lord Voldemort addressed the teenager. 

Harry thought of the song that had played over and over during the past few days. Slow melody, deep resonance, it lingered in his mind. _"A battle cry for the living"_ Hermione had called it. He heard them clearly in his mind, knowing that any intrusion into his memory then would be consumed with melody and explanations.

_"I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore_  
Then I will walk; yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore"  


It was Neville who threw the first curse, which forced Bellatrix Lestrange to retaliate. No one realized that it began the bloodshed that would continue through the night. Harry, flanked by Ron and Draco. Ginny and Hermione stayed together as Harry entered the action. Somewhere behind him, he heard the dark curses being held at bay by his friends; knowing that they would be there. They would protect his back when everyone else fell. They would still stand with him.

The battle that ensued was one that had the making of legends. The ground was soaked with blood of both sides. Harry and Tom Riddle were exhausted. The dueling was one that took every bit of strength from both men as hour upon hour, they fought. 

As weakness overtook him, Harry faced the most evil man in the history of his world. He knew, without question that one would die. 'Damn the prophesy anyway' he thought bitterly. Harry had given up hope. For the first time since he had left the cupboard under the stairs, he simply had no hope. His friends, some enemies, and the people who had made his last seven years of hope were fighting around him, and he could feel nothing except despair.

When Voldemort raised his wand, it was not to kill Harry; it was to incapacitate him long enough to be sure there was truly no hope left. He wanted Harry to see those around him fall because of him. "Stupefy!" came the yell from the snake-like semi-human before Harry. At in that split second, as if in slow motion, Harry saw Neville over the man's shoulder. They made eye contact. It was enough for Harry to see. Harry had seen hope.

__  
“Met a man on the street last night  
Said his name was Jesus   
Met a man on the street last night   
Thought he was crazy till I watched him heal a blind man   
Watched him heal a blind man now I see"   


"Protego!", the word ripped from Harry's mouth. Unaware of the battle around him for that moment in time; he knew that his friends, his brothers in arms, believed in him. Harry knew he must win. He must go on, if just for that moment in time when he could see their faces again.

__  
"I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore  
Then I will walk, yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore “  


The words rang in his ears; his friends' hearts willing his life to continue. The unseen force surrounded him gave him the ability to continue on. Life wasn't finished with him. The war raged on. Harry desperately clung to that momentary picture of Draco. There was a scream to the left. Luna, his batty, under-analytical friend, fell to a death eater. Her legs had been sliced open. She fell and he could not spare a moment to help her. He wanted to run to her, but could not spare another moment’s thought. 

__  
“Met a girl in a chair with wheels  
But no one else would see her   
Met a girl in a chair with wheels   
Everyone was so afraid   
To even look down on her   
And she just spread her little wings and flew away yeah”  


Ron and Hermione flanked their fallen friend, wands raised to protect her, but because they had to fight the advancing Death Eaters, they could do nothing to help Luna. Neville saw her fall from across the lawn; he ran, scooping her up and ran with her to the castle; her blood flowing freely in their wake. She would not be back. For the briefest of seconds, their eyes met and they both knew. 

Turning, they saw Harry throw a fantastical curse at Voldemort. He fell. Taking precious moments, Harry chanced another look at his friends. Neville and Luna were gone; Harry hoped because he couldn't see them that they were somewhere in the castle getting medical attention. Two of his guardian angels were out of the fight; two others, in this world that 'always had his back', as Ron would so often tell him.

They rose as one to try to help Harry, obscured behind several Death Eaters. Trying to fight them and get to their friend. To give him what he needed to win this fight, to end this war. It had raged on for far too long. He saw them coming at the same time Voldemort did. "Avada Kedavra" rang through the night. 

Harry watched as his two best friends fell in battle with two of the enemy; four people, no time to scream, no warning. They were now just gone. They were lying there, unmoving, with two other bodies. Shocked was an understatement as to what he felt for the briefest of moments. Harry, unable to do ANYTHING to save them, turned to see Voldemort savoring his victory. Voldemort knew that Harry would simply give up now that his friends were dead. He. Was. Wrong. 

Tom Riddle did not know just how wrong he was, until it was too late. He would never know what the sight of his friends lying under the other would do to the boy before him. He would never understand the rage at the thing responsible for killing all in the world that kept Harry strong, centered and sane. With the strength of the hundreds of wizards who had fallen in battle that day, Harry rushed at the snake-like man. He tackled him, American-Football Style. Knocking the wands out of the way, he used his fists to hit Voldemort. No magic. No wands. No curses. Nothing could keep Harry from killing this thing with his bare hands. 

Over and over the early morning rang with the other battles, but Harry took no notice. Harry continued his physical assault on Voldemort, who was so shocked that he didn't do anything except raise his hands, in an effort to shield what he had of a face from his enemy. 

Harry, the rage of years coming through, hit him again and again. Flashes of the faces of Uncle Vernon, Dudley, Aunt Petunia, Dudley's gang that had made his early years a living hell, Aunt Marge that almost cost him his wand, the lies of the headmaster, Cedric's death, Lucius Malfoy's sneering face, Sirius falling through the veil, Wormtail... each moment flashed in his mind as he hit this thing in front of him. The list went on and on. 

Every hurt that was caused from the time he was a year old was another angry hit to the head of his opponent, the thing that had killed his parents. The rage allowed him to kill this thing. He hit Tom Riddle, until the bones in that thing's head began to break; the bones in his own hands breaking with them. When daylight was full, Harry was still hitting it. The soft, bloody mush that had once been Voldemort, Tom Riddle was dead. The curses had long stopped flying before he realized that there was no life left in the form in front of him.

"Please God, let life be through with me," he prayed silently. The tears falling, the words reverberating in his ears:

__  
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore  
Then I will walk yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore   


Remis was the first to approach Harry. The first to see what Harry had done. He pulled Harry off the blood and gore that he had caused. Remis, holding Harry close, whispered "It's over..." 

Harry pulled away from him. When he turned, he saw a pile that used to be a human being. He was filled with regret; even if that human he had just decimated was one as evil as Tom Riddle. It was dead now. Harry ran until he reached the edge of the wards protecting him, never hearing Draco yelling his name. Never heard the cries of his friends wanting to stop him. He ran until he could run no further. Far away from the death and destruction that was his destiny. He ran.

He was gone for almost a year, having apparated to a town in Italy. He didn't know anyone there. But then no one knew him either. The woman was shocked to see a boy covered with blood and bits of bone; his hands held limply to his side. She lifted him with magic and cleaned him. She cared for his wounds and hands; but could not heal his heart. Those wounds ran too deep. He dreamed of the only mum he had ever known at a funeral; hearing her sobs over her fallen sons. His dreams racked with the guilt of taking lives and seeing his friends die; his brother and sister. His lover. The people that believed in him were gone. 

His physical healing completed by the witches who had long since came to realize who he was, watched him carefully. The song played in his heart on occasion. "God let life be through with me now," he prayed everyday. 

The Medi-witch approached him late one evening. "You have been here for over a year. You have never spoken unless it is to ask God to let life be through with you. I have cared for you and I love you, but I believe it is time for you to leave. Go home. Face from what you ran away so very long ago." With that simple declaration, she left him to his own thoughts.

Early the next morning, the maddening song ringing ever louder in his ears, Harry took a deep breath and apparated to the Burrow. He expected to hear footsteps and laughter. He thought to hear ghosts greet him. The burrow was gone; burned to the ground at some point in the history of his absence.

He apparated to Hermione's parents' house; finding it, too, gone; no ruins, nothing, just gone.

Desperately, he apparated to #12 Grimmauld Place, but it would not appear to him. He was truly alone again. His angels no longer watched over him. He wandered aimlessly in London. 

His friends had never stopped hoping for his return. Draco, Ron, Ginny and Hermione sat with Luna. She had been taught how to use a Muggle wheelchair. Her legs were useless. She sat as they all talked about Harry. Neville, hovering ever close to the love of his life, looked into Luna's eyes. Luna suddenly screamed. Snapping her head to the visitors, she said simply "He's here - in London."

Ron, all fear gone, said "WHERE? TELL US WHERE TO FIND HIM," he said as he looked at his sister "HE'S BACK, IN LONDON! WE HAVE TO FIND HIM NOW."

Luna was the beacon. She sensed her friend as she led them through the streets of London. No one knowing why she knew; no one sure if he was calling to them all or just Luna. 

Hermione felt him close. Ron stopped on the sidewalk as he felt it; Harry had given up. Draco felt it; Harry's hope was gone. That moment, that single second of realization made him scream out "HARRY!!!!" It was a heart felt cry. Trying to tell Harry with a single word that that he was loved, knowing that Harry was desperately alone.

They found him, on the railing of a bridge. Alone; desperate to hear their voices again, he looked into the pit of water below him. The maddening song resounding through his memories...   
__  
Met a kid on a bridge last night  
Contemplating freedom   
Met a kid on a bridge last night   
And he said   
I'm tired of this maddening life   
And I'm ready to go meet Jesus   
And I said he's a friend of mine   
Met him just last night   
And it's alright   
Yeah it's all right   
Yeah   


 

Draco ran ahead of the others for the man who had saved his life so many times.

He heard her above the words of the music he last heard so very long ago. He turned to make eye contact. He couldn't pull away from his gaze. He never wanted more than to be with him. He heard voices, but tried to ignore the memories: Ron's hoarse yells; Hermione's anguished cries. The memories of their deaths came crashing back in again. 

Neville pushing Luna as they ran toward the figure on the railing; closing the gap on the one who was alone; their friend. Harry turned his head to look below him again; he saw the bushy brown hair running. He heard the anguish in their voices. Unable to push them out of his tortured heart, he knew at that moment that he had lost his mind.

Ron, overcoming the shock of seeing Harry again, looked to Neville. They both ran at a sprint to where he was. Hermione was left pushed Luna as fast as she could up the sidewalk.

Harry, still lost, took a step off the bridge. Hearing the songs message once more he said his prayer, "God let life be through with me now."

With all the strength they could find, Ron and Neville grabbed for his hands as they disappeared; stopping his fall by the strength of the two men holding onto his hands. 

Harry felt the pain as it ripped through his hands. The tender bones broke, as Ron held one as Neville held the other. Harry, intent on joining his friends yelled "NO, LET ME GO." To the would be saviors above. As Harry tried to fight them, Ron and Neville yelled. Harry looked into the eyes of the only person he called "brother".

"Harry, mate, don't leave me again. Please." Harry meeting his eyes, not knowing if it was a dream or he was already dead, went limp. 

Draco, coming out of the shock, whispered "Wingardium Leviosa". Harry floated gently back over the railing to his friends waiting arms before she bound him to prevent his escape again. They all knew that Harry was powerful, but they needed him damn it. They needed him to feel whole again. They needed to save him from himself; from the year of loneliness, heartache and guilt.

As he edged back toward the light, he realized that he was in a hospital. The slow methodical sound beeped somewhere above him. His second realization was that he was not alone. He saw the blurry of red hair, his friends were around him; finally finding their personal healing from their self-imposed prison of guilt. Draco was his angel. 

Harry's realized that his hands were bandaged; only finding them as he reached to touch his hair. He stopped his reach to listen to her words. Barely above a whisper and her forehead was on his arm.

"Don't leave me Harry, please don't leave me again. Our lives aren't ready to give us up yet." His eyes closed, willing himself to stay awake until Harry joined him again, whispering, he sang in a low whisper: 

__  
"I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore  
Then I will walk; yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore   
Live here anymore."   


He finished the quiet song with a sob as he begged "Come back to me Harry."

He heard the words, so full of love. He said the only thing she needed to hear "Draco?" Looking up to him, their eyes meeting for the first time in over a year, he saw the tears streaming down his lover’s face, as he leaned in to kiss him gently, he relaxed. 

When he awoke again, it was to music. The song, slow and melodious. Continuously driving him to the reality he had avoided for so long. He squinted as his eyes opened. Someone had put his glasses on him. There, around his bed, were the people he needed most to see. Ron, holding Hermione's hand, Neville standing behind Luna, Fred, George, Remis, Molly, Arthur, Dobby, Malfoy, Tonks, Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye... the list went on and on. They were scarred, still battle worn, exhausted, but they had waited for him. He recognized that there were people everywhere lifting him up in prayer and with the faith to will him to come back again; to not give up. He heard the words floating through the open windows.

 

__  
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore  
Then I will walk yes I will walk   
With patience through that open door   
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go   
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore   
Live here anymore"   


 

No, life was not through with him. He knew that now. "Thank you God," choking back the tears, he said in a whisper, "for not letting life be through with me yet."

~~~~~~~~Finished~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Author notes: I hope you enjoyed this. If you haven't heard the song, it is a slow, sensational tune by two guys who do music their own way. I heard it one day as my daughter was skipping through on their CD. Well worth the listen. Did I mention I took her CD and have yet to return it?


End file.
